On Hope, Promises and Foolishness

Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.

Joyce Brothers

To say that I do not regret having broken up with such an amazing girl as Mary would be an understatement.

Heck, she was perfect in so many ways – yet out of reach. I couldn’t keep loving a fantasy of being together. I wanted her… now.

Long-distance was way too difficult for me to handle, and as such, I was the one to falter. Little did I know that soon enough, I was to fall in love with yet another fantasy, but one that would hurt me even more.

She literally seemed like a perfect match for me, mirroring my very thoughts. She seemed to possess everything I would ever want in a girl.

Every thought.

Every interest.

Every emotion.

Perfectly aligned with mine.

It was foolish to think that I was in love with her – in actuality, it was my very self, acted out by her. She studied me very carefully and diligently, figuring out every single little detail about me.

She made me believe that this person was her… but in reality, she was just playing. Acting it all out. Pretending to be a perfect copy of me, making me believe that this twisted mirror image was indeed my soulmate.

The mask she was wearing was perfectly designed to fool me. I saw myself in it. It could well have been me. I fell for it – hook, line and sinker.

Once reeled in, the manipulation began – one moment she would say that she is unable to be in a relationship with me, and that we should just be friends, knowingly breaking my heart.

Next morning: “I’m sorry.”

This ever-perpetuating cycle having an emotional toll on me and making my head dizzy – where are we heading?

Only she knew exactly where this was supposed to head – nowhere.

I fell for a mirror held up to me by a narcissist seeking to fulfil her desire to mess about with the minds of others.

It was all just a game to her…

Once called out, she suddenly became apathetic to anything I was saying, as if a switch was flipped.

From my perfect soulmate to an empty being, only thriving of acting out the part of others for her own, twisted mind games.

That’s when her responses shrank shorter and shorter, as we grew further apart.

Finally, I told her what’s on my mind. I don’t date manipulators. I don’t need false hope and lies in my life.

I’m glad to have taken off that mask that was supposed to be me off of her and to have turned it into dust.

I’m glad to have shattered this negativity-tinted mirror.

I’m glad to have moved on to a life of true happiness and freedom, coming from my very self.

She promised to be my perfect soulmate and to take things seriously – instead, all I’ve gotten from her was a mirror held up to me, making me fall in love with myself.

A narcissist’s mind games to turn me into a narcissist as well.

That’s why I believe promises of love no more, they can be used as a tool to reel you in – and then to destroy you.

Most importantly, I found out that I don’t need a mirror to truly make me happy.

All I need is myself.

Comments

mariam says:

Wonderful

alexgilburg says:

Thank you 🙂

Rossana P says:

Beautiful! Read it with great pleasure. Thank you for your thoughts.

alexgilburg says:

Thank you so much, means a lot to me… Sadly, there are negative being out there, and it is our responsibility to find who they are and keep them from entering our lives. In my opinion, each and everyone only deserves the best of the best people. Keep away negativity, attract positivity!

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